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I had let people and things dictate and rule in my life.  I allowed hatred and unforgiveness to set inside of me.  It determined how I felt when I woke up, how I reacted to others, and it was taking part of my soul—mind, will, and emotions—-and letting them die each day.

All of this stemmed from having ONE person have complete control over my life, 15 years later.  How is it that something or someone can have that much control over us?  The answer is Satan.  He would love nothing better than to have a hold in our lives and not see us experience all the freedoms that God has for us.  We cannot allow that to happen.

It took me many years to figure out how to solve it. The answer was in forgiveness.  Forgiveness towards someone whom didn’t deserve it.  Forgiveness towards someone I hated.

Forgiveness…………..

So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.

Matthew 18:35

I needed to forgive so that God could forgive me! That was huge. I had to look at what Christ had done for me. Here was a man who did nothing wrong. He didn’t deserve to die, but He was put to shame and death. He took all of the sins of mankind upon himself and died so that all of our sins could be forgiven. Even when he was on the cross, His words were to “forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” Those words echoed in my brain………”for they know not what they do.”

People of the world do not know what they do. When someone isn’t walking with the Lord as they should or even completely deny God any authority in their life, they are walking in darkness. When you walk in darkness you cannot see. You just do what “feels” good. I had to look at my situation and realize that the people who hurt me were walking around in blindness. They took what they thought was theirs to take. They weren’t thinking of eternity, they were just in darkness, moved by feelings.

If someone has hurt or wronged you, you need to forgive them. That person is walking in darkness. Even if they profess to be a Christian, you have to know that they are not walking in the light of Christ. They will be one of those people who wreak iniquity, lawlessness, and God will separate them in the day of judgment.

Having unforgivness doesn’t just rob us of our peace and joy, it has a whole host of other problems that it can create in our bodies.

• Emotional problems
• Increase in bitterness
• Physical ailments
• Gradual withdrawal from spiritual things
• Allows Satan a stronghold in your life.

All of these problems CAN be eliminated.  But it begins with US taking the first step towards healing.  You can be healed from this.  It can literally be wiped away completely from your life so that it does not bother you anymore.  You will be able to look at that person and see the “lost soul” that they are and thank God that you are no longer part of that world.

You will be able to live.  You will be able to restore the death that has occurred inside of your body.  You will have “life and life more abundantly.”

Need more convincing?

This series is part of excerpts from my book When the Clouds Roll In…….Finding contentment in the midst of the storm.  You can purchase it now as a download or it is available on Amazon for paper back copy.  If you want to transform your life and begin a life that is exceedingly abundantly above all that you can ask or think……..pick this up.

****For  group studies, contact me for bulk pricing. 

I remember the night, I tried to take my own life. Satan was right there to help feed my mind with suicidal thoughts. I sat and listened to sad music that made me think of the things that I did not have. He gave me imaginary stories and thoughts about how others viewed me and what they thought of me. He let me know that I would not be missed, if I stepped out of this life. I was very good at listening to him and letting him control my life. I was almost letting him win.
I fell asleep hearing a thunderstorm in my mind. Then I heard a voice call out to me to get up. I ignored it. Several times throughout the night, the storm still raged, but that voice continued to call out to me. Even among my self-loathing, I remember hearing that “still small voice” and I know it was the voice of the Lord. He was trying to reach out to me one last time, but it was my choice whether or not I listened. I did.
I was treated poorly by most of the hospital staff. Here was another, lost teen trying to get attention. It was hurtful. The shame and aloneness I was still feeling even after I didn’t go through with Satan’s plans, it seemed I couldn’t get away from it. I didn’t want to hold on. My mind wanted to give up. I wanted to end this misery.
Most of the nurses were gruff and angered and didn’t want to deal with my mess. Then God sent someone. This older woman was very pleasant and kind to me. She smiled, held my hand, and prayed for me. She kept saying to hold on because God had a plan for my life and that I needed to pull through this. I didn’t really think much about it at the time, but I remember the love she showed and it pulled me through.

What would cause a person to want to bring all of their existence to an end so early on in life?  For myself, I was messed up.  I was a young child and someone had taken advantage of me and molested me when I didn’t even know what was going on.  Everyone around me just tried to bandage it up, make me believe it never really happened.  Inside my soul was conflicted, my mind was raging, I did not know what I was doing and it ended with my decision to end my life.

But the Lord stepped in.  Even though I did not know Him,  and I did not follow Him, He was there.  He took this broken teenager and helped wipe up this broken mess of a life that I had.

Fast forward to when I had gotten married and I started having children.  I still took the pain and abuse that I suffered from my past and let it rule my life.  Things would come up and it would spark something that was deep in my soul that made me start to dwell on what had happened.  I started thinking up things, imaginary things, things that would make me become angry.  I continued blaming those people that had “ruined” my life.  Taken what was not theirs to take.  Then I would look at the people around that were not “on my side” of hatred towards that person.  I would do this until it consumed it.  Depression would set in and I would mope around the house for days.  I couldn’t explain to others why I felt like I did, I just felt sad.  I had lost my joy.

I was dying little by little on the inside each day.

What did it take to stop the rotting away of my soul and turn it into a life and a life more abundantly?

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,

Ephesians 3:20

part 2………as a mom…I’m dying little by little each day

This series is part of excerpts from my book When the Clouds Roll In…….Finding contentment in the midst of the storm.  You can purchase it now as a download or it is available on Amazon for paper back copy.  If you want to transform your life and begin a life that is exceedingly abundantly above all that you can ask or think……..pick this up.

****For  group studies, contact me for bulk pricing.