I am not a hoarder by nature. I weed out and clean out as soon as too much clutter piles up. I even throw things away prematurely and then later realize that, “oops! I needed that.” Oh well, God is working on my impulses.
My house is fairly clean, most of the time. You can open closets and not have them overflowing with stuff. You can sit down on any couch and not have to move things over. If I send you to get something out of my bathroom, you generally will be able to find it, I know exactly where it is. I am not bragging, but I have learned to become organized in my outside appearances in my life to run it effectively.
But what about the inside of me, how is that organized? Do I allow things to get piled up on the inside—bitterness, offenses, unforgiveness, anger, frustration, or hatred?
If you were to ask me this question years ago, I would be ashamed to admit what was on the inside of me. I held onto much anger. I had a lot of resentment towards my husband because of my own lack of knowledge. I did not know how to make a relationship work. I knew how to do many others things, but having a successful husband and wife relationship I knew nothing of.
My husband and I got married while we were young. We were in love, enjoyed having babies, and the world was our oyster. Throughout the years, we continued onward having babies—just because we enjoyed them! We had many. Life rolled on, bills came, issues came out, life happened. Arguments and fights would occur and never be completely resolved. I am not one to confront easily, I’d rather smile and move on. But little seeds of bitterness would start to form on the inside of me and when my husband would say something, I would begin taking offense and getting hurt. I was beginning to put up walls towards my husband.
Life continued, we still had babies, there was never any doubt that we didn’t want a bunch of them—but life got stressful at times. Even though we put ourselves into these positions, God can work EVERYTHING out for our good. Our hearts really did want to do whatever God had for us, but our bodies sometimes looked at the things of this world and distracted us. When we would have arguments, I would just want to get up and leave! But wait, where was I to run to? Where was I going to go with 10 children and a 15 passenger van. Was I going to just leave everyone behind—my sweet little nursing baby? No I couldn’t. Would I just leave and get a job and put all of my children in school and daycare? Oh my goodness—we would never be able to afford any of that! After mulling over irrational decisions in my brain, finally God had me where He needed me—quiet and listening.
Quiet moments in our own life is when God can talk to us and we can hear him clearly.
I’d pray and seek God to work on my pride. I’d ask Him to reveal to me where these roots of bitterness and anger were coming from and then I started to work on myself. Me! Not my husband, myself.
In Exodus 15:22 it says the bitter was made sweet. This is the story of Moses and the people grumbling and complaining about their “lot in life.” They got up to the water hole and took a drink and said, “We need a new water hole, this one is bad!” Some of us may think that when our marriage is bad that if only we had a new husband, all would be better. We can just throw this one out and get a new one. Get a new fix in life. Just as we get a new home or a new car.
But guess what? Those new homes and new cars, break down too. They get old and worn, just as our marriages can. Don’t be ready to just throw stuff away so quickly. We have to maintain our marriages just as we do our things. God may put you in these situations, even though you may have put yourself in some of these by past decisions. You might of made mistakes, they might of made mistakes. You have to believe what God’s word says. He can make them sweet. He does it, I personally have experienced it. But we have to do.
These verses say when the people grumbled the Lord showed Moses a tree. When he threw the tree into the water, it made it sweet. The tree is represented as Jesus. When we put Jesus into our lives first, that is when the Lord can make things sweet.
When I look to the Lord to help me become a better person, a better wife to my husband is only when it happens. I can try my best on my own, but will fail miserably. My first thought would be to get a new husband. My husband would be able to say the say thing about me–I am not perfect. But we are both willing to work on things to become stronger together as we should.
What is my “quick fix” for getting a new husband? Getting into God’s Word daily to help MYSELF work on areas that need to be turned from bitter to sweet!
Be blessed as you enjoy your day! Amy
P.S. I am happy to say that my husband and I will be celebrating our 20 year anniversary this year! Marriage is work. Probably harder than having 10 children–work! Even though we have struggles and we have issues, at the end of the day, my husband is my best friend. He has my heart. He will defend me and love me more than anyone can. Life is what YOU make of it. You can choose happiness or you can choose bitterness. What’s your choice???